IT'S JUST A SORE THROAT

The other day, Colin came into my office.  It was a Wednesday, he always comes to my office on Wednesdays because that is the day he gets his spending money.  We have a few minutes to laugh and giggle and usually, he happily goes off to spend his money.

This Wednesday morning, Colin was not laughing and giggling.  He was pretty sick I could see that right away.  I work really hard at not over-reacting.  In fact, I have to work really hard at not reacting at all.  So I quietly said:  "What's going on Colin??  to which he responded:  "I'm sick, Mom".  Its something he rarely admits to me.  He is not a complainer.

He went on to say that he had a sore throat.  It was a croaky voice that came out.  Hmmmm, so I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital??  Nope.  I asked if he wanted to go see our family doctor??  Nope, Mom, its just a sore throat.  That stopped me.  "Well, what's going on Colin?" I asked.  He admitted then that the jacket that he had on was not warm enough.

That was a huge admission.  We had just bought him that jacket under great duress.  We had a terrible argument in the middle of our favorite store.  I had asked him to go pick out a new winter coat.  He absolutely needed a new winter coat.  Colin has great fashion sense and great ideas about how he should look, not really concerned about APPROPRIATE attire for weather conditions.  I usually win out with the common sense, but sometimes, I am too tired to fight, and sometimes I just simply have to LET GO!!!  

A hard lesson for him and heartbreaking for me.  Colin does not always learn from consequences.   His brain simply does not always work that way.  This time I believe he learned something.

I gave him some money and told him to go find a BIG, WARM winter coat.  He phoned me later to confirm that he had chosen something much better.  Thank you God.  Your Will  -  not mine!!!

There are so many things that I have had to LET GO of.  Sooooo many.  I have learned much about myself and so much about Colin.

But I am still on the journey.  And so is he.

I don't think I will ever really have all the answers.  I know that I am always willing.  I know that I remain teachable.  But is that enough??

I don't want to be a "martyr" and I don't want to be a "victim".  I don't want to be full of self-pity.  Sometimes, I have to be there in order to climb out of that "rut" and to realize that I have done well.  I choose to appreciate and acknowledge that I have done a good job of balancing letting go with stepping in and changing something.  Otherwise, I will not be able to accept the guilt.  The guilt is simply another "rut".  I want to live in the gratitude that I have Colin to teach me great LOVE and acceptance.  I might not learn the lesson any other way.

Simple but not easy.  

SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, Mom

Colin met Brenda many years before they became "friends".  They met at In-Definite Arts.  A magical place where artists come together to learn a great variety of mediums to express themselves.  If you are ever interested in donating to a worthy cause, they would accept your generosity.  http://www.indefinitearts.com/index.php

The artists learn how to paint, draw, use ceramics, fibers, etc.  

Their vision:  "Artists with developmental disabilities and their art are valued and celebrated in the community."

I did say its a magical place.  Colin loves it there. He is there every Monday and Wednesday afternoons.  Its very comfortable and he has many friends there.  Colin has been going to In-Definite Arts since 1990, about 23 years now.  Brenda was there all along.

About 12 years ago Colin told me about Brenda.  I remember the day clearly.  Its an event that will forever stay clearly in my mind.  Its best that I document it though, because I am never certain how long these "events" will stay in my mind.  ::))

We were sitting in the dining room at the table with my Mom, who was visiting from Saskatchewan.  It was in the Fall, just around Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving).  Colin began the conversation with the announcement that a "girl" gave him her phone number.

Oh really, Colin??  That's nice  -  was it a girl from work??  I was thinking that someone at his work was being kind and ensuring that if he ever needed a ride to work he might be able to give her a call.  Mothers are so naive.   I still am.

Nope, not from work.  Well, then, where is this girl from Colin??  She is from In-Definite Arts, Mom.

Oh In-Definite Arts?  What's her name then Colin??

Her name is BRENDA!!!  Oh, wow, Colin, that's nice.

Now, I am still in my naive state  -  I am not thinking that this could be anything but a casual friend.  I was not ready for the next comment.

Oh, Colin how old is Brenda?  He tells me that she is just a couple of years younger than I am.  Now THAT is interesting.

So Colin, what does Brenda look like??  Mom, she is cuter than you!!!  And he roars with his big huge laugh from the bottom of his toes.....  HAHAHAHA Mom!!!!  And then I knew  -  she was something special.

And she is.  Brenda has been part of our family ever since and Colin is part of her family.  They are extraordinary people with our Colin.  They include him in all their family gatherings.  Colin and Brenda have an extraordinary relationship.  What a gift this is.  She is definitely cuter than me!!!  They make a fine a looking pair!!!

They talk on the phone for hours.  I would love to be a little fly on the wall sometimes to hear part of their conversation, but no, I would rather stay naive.  When they are together, they are never far apart.

But I am NEVER to refer to Brenda as his GIRLFRIEND  -  she is just his "friend".  If you saw them together  -  you would know the truth. Its perfect just the way it is.