HE KNOWS

I know that it does not seem possible but he can be very far from me, but he knows my every thought and he especially knows my feelings.

Just yesterday, I was sharing some personal stuff with some friends and I was quite emotional (what a surprise).  Dennis was sitting beside me and at that very moment, Colin called me on my cell phone, at that very moment, I believe that he knew that I was crying, which I was, and it was bigger than both he and I  -  he had to call.  It happens over and over and over again.  It never ceases to amaze me.

I have been a good mother I know for all three of my boys.  I nurtured and guided to the very best of my ability.  I surely made some mistakes.  Yelling and screaming was my biggest flaw.  It was a learned behavior and I slowly had to delete that behavior from my psyche!!!  I constantly had to ask for patience. I am not a naturally patient person.  Having three boys challenged that to a great degree.  I am sure that you can understand. I am so grateful for the opportunity of having these three boys.   They made me grow up and become the courageous and strong woman that I am today.  It fills me up.

When Colin was growing up especially in the first ten years of his life, he was in fact quite fragile. When he got sick  -  he was usually very sick.  His upper respiratory system was subject to a lot of colds.  His immune system was compromised.  With my two other boys, when they got sick, I could medicate them and put them to bed, or get them set up on the couch in the living room and they would respond well to some TLC. However, with Colin, he was very needy.  I often wonder if it was because when he was born, he was placed in an incubator for the first ten days of his life without any contact from either Dennis or me.  The bonding was lacking and because of that he was always very "attached" to me.  He wanted to be held a lot. When he got sick there was no putting him down or laying him down so that I could attend to meals and housework.  I remember making meals with him on my hip, especially when he was sick.  We certainly bonded then.

Is it any wonder that I weighed about 95 pounds during that period of time???  haha -  that was a long time ago.

He definitely is intuitively attached to me.  It's a good thing and a bad thing.  The bad is that he experiences my sadness and confusion.  The good thing is that he is intuitive.  He KNOWS when to reach out  -  it is a spiritual thing.  ALL good!!!  makes me grateful.