HE KNOWS

I know that it does not seem possible but he can be very far from me, but he knows my every thought and he especially knows my feelings.

Just yesterday, I was sharing some personal stuff with some friends and I was quite emotional (what a surprise).  Dennis was sitting beside me and at that very moment, Colin called me on my cell phone, at that very moment, I believe that he knew that I was crying, which I was, and it was bigger than both he and I  -  he had to call.  It happens over and over and over again.  It never ceases to amaze me.

I have been a good mother I know for all three of my boys.  I nurtured and guided to the very best of my ability.  I surely made some mistakes.  Yelling and screaming was my biggest flaw.  It was a learned behavior and I slowly had to delete that behavior from my psyche!!!  I constantly had to ask for patience. I am not a naturally patient person.  Having three boys challenged that to a great degree.  I am sure that you can understand. I am so grateful for the opportunity of having these three boys.   They made me grow up and become the courageous and strong woman that I am today.  It fills me up.

When Colin was growing up especially in the first ten years of his life, he was in fact quite fragile. When he got sick  -  he was usually very sick.  His upper respiratory system was subject to a lot of colds.  His immune system was compromised.  With my two other boys, when they got sick, I could medicate them and put them to bed, or get them set up on the couch in the living room and they would respond well to some TLC. However, with Colin, he was very needy.  I often wonder if it was because when he was born, he was placed in an incubator for the first ten days of his life without any contact from either Dennis or me.  The bonding was lacking and because of that he was always very "attached" to me.  He wanted to be held a lot. When he got sick there was no putting him down or laying him down so that I could attend to meals and housework.  I remember making meals with him on my hip, especially when he was sick.  We certainly bonded then.

Is it any wonder that I weighed about 95 pounds during that period of time???  haha -  that was a long time ago.

He definitely is intuitively attached to me.  It's a good thing and a bad thing.  The bad is that he experiences my sadness and confusion.  The good thing is that he is intuitive.  He KNOWS when to reach out  -  it is a spiritual thing.  ALL good!!!  makes me grateful.  

COVID 19. - DID I GROW???

In the last 18 - 19 months, since March 2020  -  the question we are all asking ourselves is how did I do???  Did I suffer through this or did I flourish? Did I make some changes???  Did I make some decisions??  What was the impact of COVID on me and my family and friends??

For me personally  -  I became aware of serious pain in my upper torso, mostly in my shoulders and my back generally.  I thought it was stress (do ya think???).  But as the year progressed, by the end of 2020, it became like serious muscle spasms rendering me helpless. but I finally got some relief by getting a prescription of pregabalin and Tylenol twice a day and a steady intake of Tylenol every day.  I then started to see a physiotherapist and massage and finally saw a chiropractor who was brilliant.  He requested x-rays, which showed NOTHING, he then requested that my doctor requisition an MRI. which my sons paid for.  

The MRI took place in June and then thankfully in early July I met with a Neurosurgeon.  The diagnosis was a growth on my spine which was causing severe compression on my spine.  The growth is called meningioma which is a non-cancerous growth.  By this time, my entire body was experiencing numbness and tingling  -  NOT a good sign.   My surgeon picked the date of September 8, 20th and thankfully that is the date that the surgery took place.  The morning of my surgery, I arrived at the hospital and registered.....all surgeries in Alberta were canceled due to COVID.  Thankfully, mine went ahead .  Then began the process of healing from the surgery.  There are so many reasons for being grateful..... but the big one is that the pain that I had been experiencing in my upper body was gone.  GONE!

Through all this process that I was experiencing  -  Colin's life became unmanageable in so many ways.  Please note that I said his life became unmanageable.....he did not.  With the COVID restrictions, his life during lockdown could have really turned ugly.  His activities included bowling on Saturdays and two trips to Indefinite Arts, as well as 3 visits per week with his worker Brian.  ALL of these activities had to come to a stop.  We were worried sick about his mental health.  He lives alone and TV programs are limited in their entertainment value for him.  I must say his supportive roommates, Ken and Linda who lived upstairs were absolute angels. Linda offered to go get his groceries.  And then as the year progressed, she offered a new eating program for Colin.  Colin being a serious type 2 diabetic.  I believe they saved his life.

I regret to say that I completely walked away from this valuable source of healing...  It is now 2026 and about 5 years later.  I can't say enough about Ken and Linda. -  Colin still talks about them to this day.  he had the opportunity to stay with them for six days and that certainly helped Colin realize that they still care for him deeply.

I am 78 years of age now and honestly am currently struggling with osteoporosis and arthritis.  This results in my needing to take care of me and honestly that is very challenging.  I have lots of family support but none of them live here.  I am richly blessed with amazing friends and they keep me going.  That is a story in itself but this is about Colin.  

I must say that I believe that Ken and Linda suffered from burnout and finally asked that Colin move on. -  He suffered emotionally from this and ended up living in 5 different situations.  Most of them VERY challenging.  

Over the years he has become fiercely independent; which is a really good thing but also difficult to manage.  If he has a doctor's appointment for instance, and he does not want to attend....there is NOTHING I can do about it.  It's funny but I try also not to let it stress me out-  We get the job done.  The doctors are very understanding.

ONE DAY AT A TIME   -  with the help of MY HIGHER POWER.  We get through this.

thanks for listening