THE DARK SIDE - THE RAGE

There is of course the dark side of my beautiful boy.  Colin is very capable of "rage full" behavior.   I will never understand the triggers.  

It often happens when he is out of "his routine" or if he is very tired.  

The rage is never less than frightening, especially now that he is a full grown adult.  He can and does physically attack people and things.  He once pushed my aging mother which triggered a violent outburst from one of his brothers. All of us, myself included, have at times retaliated or attempted to control these rages.  

I wrote this poem when he was in his late teens after a really sickening event.  This poem is not meant to be a literary achievement but an outpouring of what was on my heart, it still makes me cry.  

A POEM ABOUT COLIN

This child of mine, this child of mine

Sometimes he make my face to shine

This child of mine, this child of mine

Sometimes he make my heart to go blind

I don't understand why

I can't control why

He only needs loving and acceptance

But when he goes crazy

I lose my serenity and my sanity

My heart just breaks

And my mind is crazy with fear

When he is through with his temper

I can still love him and accept him

But I won't always be here

Who will love him and accept him then???

I know that God has a special plan

After all Colin is a special man

He often fills my life with joy

In many ways he is still a boy

But I know that he is not here for me

There is a greater purpose whatever it may be

It is not for me to know

I want God for me to show

I want to let Colin go

And let his life just flow

I want God's will not mine

This child of mine, this child of mine