Well, yesterday morning, things kind of went sideways on me - or they went exactly how they were supposed to. In God's world, everything moves in Divine Order.
I have had a cold since Tuesday, January 25, 2022. We did run a rapid test to find a negative result. It does not matter, really, I have been isolating since then. This cold will run its course but I chose to self-isolate.
But for Colin who visits us every Sunday - it's a big deal. He calls every single day, every single morning. His first call today, was at 7:39 am, followed by 3 more calls before 9:00 am. The last call was when I had to be very firm with him and to tell him that he could not come for a visit and NO we were not coming over to have supper with him.
I don't need to be reminded that he functions at a 12 - 13 year level and sometimes it's more like he functions at a five-year-old level. Trying to reason things out with him is exhausting and I sure did not have the energy to do that then. By 9:00 am he clearly understood but he was VERY unhappy about it. This crazy COVID stuff has us all feeling confused and chaotic. I know that I made the right decision.
In the meantime; I received a message from a friend of our son's. She messaged me to thank Colin for the artwork Colin had created for their summer home.
Two years prior, this friend had mentioned to Colin that she liked the painting that Colin had created for our son & daughter-in-law. That little compliment inspired Colin and he could not wait to get to work on this project for them. Carrie's family just received it yesterday even though Colin had created it for them almost 2 years ago.
The message indicated that their family is so touched that Colin would think enough of them to do this custom piece for them. And Carrie's words simply triggered that part deep inside of me that is reserved for moments like this. BOOM - the dam burst wide open. The kind of crying that found me sitting in the shower bawling my face off. I am crying still with gratitude for the love and kindness this young woman spoke to me to relay to Colin. It was my immense pleasure to convey this to Colin. He just beams from ear to ear and says not much.
Do you know how patient Colin has been?? He can outwait the best of us I promise you. He is VERY patient and beyond mature at times. It would be hard to compete with him.
And yet other times, it feels like the smallest thing can trigger him into having a temper tantrum and total meltdown, like a five-year-old. I simply have to be patient. He teaches me something EVERY day. I am a lucky Mom.
I have been his Mom and caregiver for 49+ years and if nothing else I have learned that I will be his caregiver forever and ever.....I really need to have very strong boundaries and be sure to take good care of myself first. It is the hardest thing to do and I continuously learn this every single day. AND no guilt.
I am thinking that pretty much every single parent out there knows what I am saying. Balance and boundaries; it's a dance every single day. When I don't put myself first; I will pay a price and the result is resentment; which does not serve me or him or anyone in my family. I have learned through the Grace of God, that I have choices every day and the first choice I make is to LOVE myself enough so that I can continue to love him and others every day.
Simple but NOT easy. Be amazing - you know you are.
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