THE ARRIVAL AND THE BIRTH

My pregnancy was truly wonderful, an exciting time for both Dennis and I.  I was one of those "glowing" pregnant gals.  When Colin was born, it was one of the best days of my life.  Colin was our first son, he was the first grandchild, the first nephew on both sides of the family.  Imagine the thrill for everyone, especially Dennis and I.

BUT, at birth,  he only weighed 4 lbs, 8 oz.  Colin had to be in an incubator for 10 days.  He was absolutely the cutest baby (of course, this is MOM talking).  FACT:  Because he was premature, his skin was beautiful. Premature babies don't have wrinkled skin like many newborns. 

My room was on the main floor of the maternity ward where all the other new Moms were and I felt sooooo lonely  -  words cannot describe the trauma that I experienced.  Are you kidding me??  Seriously, they would never do that today.  

I did not hold him until he was ready to come out of the incubator.  All the new moms had their babies nearby, but our little Colin was two floors up.  I did not make the trip up there for at least 24 hours; it took me that long to figure it out.  I had to ask, the nurses did not tell me.  I had to see him being held by nurses behind the glass. 

The anguish is still very real today.  I have forgiven and let go, but the pain is still there.  In looking back, it is my belief that all concerned were really uninformed, after all, that was 40 years ago.  But I also believe that there was a "conspiracy" to keep me uninformed.  Colin was brain damaged not because of natural causes, but because he was dropped during the delivery process.  This is something that I was NEVER told.  In today's world, these things do happen I am sure, but the delivering Doctor would be held accountable and today's Nurses would be sure of that.  (stay tuned for more blogs on how this unfolded).

In the beginning, I was not in the least bit worried about him, as the nurses and doctors assured me that he would be just fine, he just needed a little time to develop.  They lied and covered up and I believed them.  

We took him home after the 10 days and it was then that the concerns began.    My self esteem did not permit me to trust my intuition and the cycle of denial began.  Of course, I really wanted to believe that he was fine, just tiny.

Years later,  I did run across the name and address of the delivering Doctor.  (There are no accidents in life, only spiritually orchestrated events).  I wrote this Doctor a very open letter in which I stated who I was and why I was writing to him.  He did respond, but denied having any knowledge of such a case and went on to inform me that by now all records would be destroyed so it really did not matter.  I still have his letter.  The tone in his letter led me to believe that he knew exactly what I was talking about.  I do trust my intuition now. All I wanted from him was an admission of the mistake and an apology.  Just an acknowledgement  -  would that have been too much to ask?

We certainly moved on with our lives.  I believe that Colin was given to me so that I could grow up. I had a lot of growing up to do and Colin helped me to do that.  He brought out the worst and the best in me.  Thank you God and thank you Colin.  Bless you!!!